


you’ve got my heart on a chokehold

by essenceofheroism



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Lots of Angst, M/M, Malec fic, i mean its me lets be real, im just a rlly angsty person i guess, some slight happy moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-28 22:40:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11427732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/essenceofheroism/pseuds/essenceofheroism
Summary: “No, Alexander. I’m just - I’m talking about what I almost thought happened today and I know we fought and I know you fixed it but you, Alec, I think you came into my life and suddenly I had too much to lose and", Magnus held this breath, like he was teetering on the edge of madness or disparity, "I just needed you to know that."(And it sounded too much like I love you.)or: magnus and alec had so much to lose, and they never even knew it.





	you’ve got my heart on a chokehold

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from painting greys.
> 
> based on tumblr prompt: "Hey! Writing for the Malec prompt! Magnus gets hurt (by a Circle member) and Alec goes into his overprotective!mode and takes care of injured Magnus :))"
> 
> (i didn't get it exactly spot-on, there's more angst than actual caring, but hey)

When Kylee was selecting random shadowhunters that Magnus neither knew or particularly cared for, it was just a matter of civil unrest for the High Warlock of Brooklyn to settle. But when news came of a certain redhead, stubborn girl almost getting raided by the wicked Seelie, Magnus knew the attacks were getting close to home. It was Clary stuck in the snare when Kylee attempted a slow and torturous murder but the first name that rang again and again in Magnus’ mind was _Alec Alec Alec._ It was too rapid, this turn of events. First, his soul is ripped out of his own flesh and then, he’s given an unasked for tour of his unwelcoming past and right at the brink of insanity, when Magnus isn’t sure he can take any more, the thought of Alec getting torn apart on a cold metal table is added to the list of nightmares Magnus’ conscience tries so hard to battle.

When Alec comes into the loft and Magnus worries, Alec says, “I’m with _you_ , the High Warlock of Brooklyn.” As if that means something. Alec doesn’t know that Magnus hasn’t recently been feeling like the High Warlock of anything, let alone anything that radiates power or protection. A for effort though, Alec always tries. The conversation after took a horrible turn when Alec’s mouth chanted the Clave’s agenda and as livid as Magnus was with what had happened, when Raj from the New York Institute gave him word of Kylee’s next victim being a ‘tall, black-haired male’, Magnus’ nerves caught fire.

The nausea that hit him threatened to double him over and the floor under his feet crumbled. There was a boulder lodged in his windpipe and Magnus didn’t think he’d ever made a portal faster in his four hundred years. He wasn’t thinking clearly of the outline of the Institute because all he could hear was _Get out, Alec_ replaying in his head over and over again and he stumbled in the same hallway of the building where Alec had first promised him their first date. Too soon, it was too soon, and Magnus could barely breathe, frantically looking for a way to enter the main hall but lost in the maze that was the chamber hallway. If there was anywhere he’d be if he was alive, it’d be there. Magnus’ mind strangely rocked and it occurred to him that no wonder Alec preferred sleeping over at Magnus’ - this place had no personality whatsoever. Heart sinking with every step, Magnus turned a step and found himself collide against a body and before he could throw a spell to get himself out of this situation, he heard, “Magnus? I’m so sor—“ in a voice that he thought he’s already started forgetting.

* * *

 That night, they had the Talk. The Talk, as Alec humourlessly lamented, sounded very similar to the one his parents gave him, Isabelle and Jace about safe sexual practices. Magnus rolled his eyes. This one though was ironically given by Alec’s said sexual partner and it had nothing to do with sex. Magnus had asked Alec to come over that night, his feet still a little shaky and Alec calling out _I’m home, Magnus_ was when Magnus finally breathed.

“What’s up?” Alec asked with a careless, genuine curiosity and not for the first time, Magnus was reminded of how he had so much to live for.

“’Til death do us apart,” Magnus smiled ruefully. Alec pulled that crooked smile.

“Are we getting married? This is a strange way of asking me, but I mean it’s a yes,” Alec laughed and Magnus thinks that Alec doesn’t know how much that twists his gut.

“No, Alexander. I’m just - I’m talking about what I almost thought happened today and I know we fought and I know you fixed it but you, Alec, I think you came into my life and suddenly I had too much to lose and", Magnus held this breath, like he was teetering on the edge of madness or disparity, "I just needed you to know that." 

(And it sounded too much like _I love you._ ) 

Alec stared, a little bewildered, a little heartbroken.

“I know,” he whispered, because suddenly it seemed inappropriate to raise his voice.

“I can’t lose you just yet, Alec, I can’t—“, and now Magnus had these tears interrupting his breathing and this was not the time but he was just so done of losing and being left behind and this was so unfair. Alec took Magnus’ hand and something in the terse angle of his jaw and the furrow between his eyes told Magnus that he wasn’t too ecstatic thinking of his own death either but foolish mortals, everything beautiful was only beautiful because it comes to an end. There were a lot of things Alec wanted to say, about how it tore at him that Magnus would one day forget him and that’s okay because Magnus of all people deserved to move on, deserved to not be left behind and really live but that didn’t mean it was any easier to swallow. Alec was thankful he never had to think about Magnus not living. He thought the weight of Magnus’ absence would bury him alive.

* * *

Magnus was walking home after a day out with a client, having only made the walk home because he was using it to talk to Alec on the phone, and he was to say, entirely annoyed when three black clad men with insane energy had him pinned to the wall with a seraph blade to his Adam’s apple. He was almost bored with the entire ordeal, wrist ready to flick his magic, until he caught sight of the red circles branded in their necks. _And that’s when all went to hell._ Magnus’ PTSD was bubbling to the surface and it choked his throat suddenly, rendering his hands numb and useless by his sides as images of Valentine and Alec flashed in his vision. Suddenly, the men in front of him weren’t just men with simple weapons, they were his father burning him and they were his mother with a blade jammed in her torso and they were Alec choking the breath out of him. He was ashamed, so ashamed of his inability to fight back that he was almost glad that Alec or anyone else weren't here to witness this fall of Magnus Bane, High Warlock of nothing anymore. He heard one of the rogues sneer about adding his cat eyes to his collection of something and then Magnus fell.

See the thing about revenge is that it rarely ever happens in a straight line. The twisted thing about it (if the action itself is not cruel enough), is that innocent people are caught in snares with no fault, no foul, except for the mishap of unfortunate association. Valentine was in Clave custody but followers and enemies alike caught word like wildfire that Alexander Lightwood had attempted his execution and coincidentally, failed. Who better to bait this particular Lightwood boy with than the man who had switched souls or bodies, whichever you preferred, with the most wanted shadow hunter of the century. When Alec was tired fiddling with about all nineteen mugs in Magnus’ kitchen cabinet and exhausted himself with sitting around waiting for Magnus, something cold started to creep up his spine like the early frost of winter. It was all he needed really, when he called Isabelle and Catarina and anyone else Magnus would ditch Alec for, to strap on his gear and sprint out of the loft with nothing on but a pair of black jeans and a shirt that was too thin for fair comfort. He wasn’t hard to find, Alec went instinctively to the abandoned underground parking lot beside the dock where Valentine used to set sail. Alec didn’t know whether it was adrenaline or dread crawling up his throat but he was a soldier and he couldn’t think like that, couldn’t think that Magnus was — no he wasn’t, no he _couldn’t_ be. Dying was only Alec’s birthright.

Arrows notched, Alec walked cautiously until he heard careless clanking and then suddenly there was a trail of blood down the wall and Magnus was sat on the floor, eyes shut and head tipped back. _Magnus_. Instead of running over to him like Alec imagined for the past hour that he would, Alec saw Magnus and his feet froze. He was dizzy and he felt a panic attack climbing up his heart and he couldn’t pass out right now but he knew he had lost it when the seraph blade named _Gabriel_ clanked to the floor by his feet. The Circle members didn’t even look surprised, they were expecting him after all.

“Alec Lightwood,” he heard someone say, and Magnus couldn’t see him but he saw his hand twitch.

“Let him _go_.” Alec almost cringed because it sounded less like the Head of the Institute speaking and more like a helpless plea.

“Right,” one sneered. This wasn’t meant to be easy, Alec remembered. He’s trying very hard to stay in control, it just never occurred to him that there’d come a day where Alec would be standing upright and Magnus would be close to — leaving. It’s tragic, he thinks, and ironic too, that all this time they kept talking about Alec’s death and Alec leaving and Magnus being left behind that it never occurred to him that Magnus is immortal but not invincible. He is gold but he is not kevlar. It dawned to Alec for the first time as his throat burned with unshed tears and unsaid words that he could be the one left behind too. He thinks for the first time that being immortal is more a curse than a blessing because he’d give anything a million times than to even consider Magnus not breathing, Magnus not being, Magnus not living with him everyday.

What happened next was less skill and more insane rage and the next thing Alec knew, there were only 2 arrows left in his quiver, 7 of them being spent on the three lifeless forms on the ground. There was blood on his knuckles and his shirt was torn where a blade had cut his side but right now it was _Magnus Magnus Magnus_ and Alec couldn’t breathe.

* * *

Alec eventually brought Magnus to the Institute, not giving a damn that no other than Nephilim were treated here. Catarina was called and Alec didn’t let go of Magnus’ hand once. When Magnus woke up, Alec’s head lay limp on his chest (a stubborn victim of sleep deprivation), his hand firmly planted in Magnus’, and Magnus felt nothing but raw emotion burning his chest that told him that Alec cared. Someone cared about Magnus Bane enough to hold on to him. Alec wanted to hold on to him. Alec finally woke up too and Magnus thought he’d never forget the waves of relief, then desire and then anguish wash over anyone’s eyes with such clarity as he did Alec’s.

“I never ever thought it’d be you. It was supposed to be, it was always supposed to be me —“

“My love,” Magnus smiled softly, “Don't say that.”

But Alec was not convinced and all he could think was _this was my fault, this is my doing_ and maybe he whispered some of it out loud because Magnus leaned forward and kissed him (and it hurt, yes, but the hurt in Alec’s eyes tugged more painfully at Magnus than his broken ribs ever would).

**Author's Note:**

> find me at ohliverfelicity.tumblr.com
> 
> leave a comment or ten


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